Why the Back-to-School Transition Can Increase Stress for Families

As the summer winds down, we know the changes that are about to happen to our daily schedules and routines. What we often overlook is how much this transitional period impacts the mental health of both us adults and our young ones. According to a 2023 study conducted by Understood.org, 87% of parents of children under 18 report that the back-to-school season causes them some level of stress or anxiety. Furthermore, parents of children and teens who are neurodivergent learners are even more likely to express feelings of stress, loneliness, and worry during this time.

Collectively moving toward this year’s back-to-school transition, I wanted to share some tips that our team has found helpful both personally and as a group of child and family therapists. You’ll find quotes scattered throughout this article from therapists on our team who know this transition inside out (from both the parent and therapist perspective). One of the most important things we can do for our young ones during this time is acknowledge this shift and all the emotions that come with it. Developmentally, we know that a sense of safety and a regulated nervous system lays the foundation for all higher academic learning. 

Understanding Your Child’s Emotional Responses to School Transitions

“As school approaches, I’ve found it is helpful to ease into routines and slow things down. It’s less about structure and more about creating space for connection and all the big feelings that come with change.” 

Take a moment to remember the beginning of last school year. Were there any emotional challenges that felt difficult as a parent? Maybe your child struggled with fears of separation, frustration, or feelings of sadness. Maybe it showed up as over-excitment, giddiness, and the inability to sleep. 

Often, a change in routine and expectations can leave kids with a heightened sense of anxiety, overwhelm, and difficulty in communicating their needs with others. Especially for younger children and neurodivergent individuals who are naturally more sensitive to change, having attuned adult support plays a fundamental role in helping them feel prepared.

Tips for Supporting Child and Teen Mental Health During the Back-to-School Season

Create a Safe Space for Emotions

“I’ve learned that having a calm, steady presence in the mornings matters more than whether everything is packed perfectly. When I stay grounded, it helps my kids feel safe-even if the morning is a little messy.”

Remember, we can’t control our kids’ emotions, but we can provide a safe container for them. As adults, we know that emotions are temporary, and change over time. 

  • Find creative ways to start the back-to-school conversation, and let your child know that you are available to listen. 
  • Remember that increased emotional dysregulation is to be expected during times of change. This may show up in your child or teen’s behavior first before they are able to express themselves in a more adaptive way.
  • Use open-ended invitations, or ask more concrete questions (depending on what works best for your child). Some conversation starters might be, “I wonder what it might feel like to start school this fall,”  or “What’s one thing you’re excited to play outside at recess this year?” 
  • Slow down, and check in with yourself first. Inevitably, your child’s distress may evoke an emotional response for you (frustration, anxiety, helplessness, etc.). Stop to ask yourself which emotions are coming up for you, and which relaxation and grounding techniques you know work best for yourself. It’s okay if you need to take a pause.

Establish Consistent Back-to-School Routines

“We have simple rituals- a goodbye hug at the same spot every morning, a quick check-in after school-and those little things anchor my kids. It gives them something consistent to count on during a time that can feel unpredictable.”

Setting up consistent routines and healthy habits a couple of weeks before school starts is a great way to make the unknown feel more familiar, and less scary. Allow your child a substantial understanding of the new school year rhythm before their first day.

  • Begin the school year bed time and morning routines during the last weeks of summer, and try to align snack and meal times approximately. Return to school year screen-time limits, and have clear consistent expectations.
  • Practice goodbyes, and go take a look at school together if you can. Create a short and consistent goodbye routine with your child to lower anxiety levels. Go take a walk near school, or look at pictures of teachers and campus together. Help make school feel more tangible and familiar.
  • Set up a regular space for homework and reading, allow your child choice in creating an environment that they would like to work in. Let them get excited about using their school materials even before the school year starts (markers, pens, notebooks) and in decorating their space and folders, etc.

Build Confidence Through Preparation and Storytelling

“As little ones prepare for preschool, try playing ‘pretend school’ at home- practice the routines, transitions, and even snack time together. Visiting the school and meeting the teacher ahead of time can also help ease jitters and build excitement for the big day!”

Often, in moments of uncertainty, children forget just how resilient they are, and how much they already know. Storytelling can be a great way to help your child organize during these difficult moments. After empathically validating the feelings that they share, you can remind them about all of their internal and external resources available.

  • Recount a time your child did a great job at trying something new despite their fears. Maybe it was an activity they felt uncertain about, or meeting someone new. We can help build logical bridges between past experiences, and the present.
  • Share a story about one of your first days of school, really normalizing the worries and frustrations that came with it. If you don’t remember, think about relatable characters in books and movies to talk about and highlight their emotional experiences. Let your child or teen know that they are not alone in this feeling.
  • Walk through what your child or teen can do if they ever do feel overwhelmed in their class. What are a few resources available on campus? Maybe it’s a safe adult to talk to, taking deep breaths, or going for a short break. 

Consider Sensory Needs During the School Day

It feels important to note that the school year can also create a huge shift in the types of stimulation and sensory input that kids and teens are exposed to. Unpredictable sounds, unsettling lighting, and having to sit for longer periods of time can lead to sensory overload and a shortened emotional fuse. 

  • Think about what helps your child or teen wake up in the morning. Often “frontloading” the day with a quick bit of healthy sensory input (jumping on the trampoline, a short walk, getting some quiet time) can set the tone for the day, and help with arriving at school in a more regulated state.
  • Many children and teens benefit from some cool down time after school with low stimulation to recharge. Others do best with after school activities that allow them plenty of movement. Either way, take into consideration how the school environment may be impacting your child’s sensory needs, and what will be best at the end of the day. If they’re at an afterschool program, find out what’s available, and encourage them to get what they need most (quiet reading time, basketball, outdoors time).

When to Seek Professional Mental Health Support

Parents are often curious about when it’s time to seek professional help for children who struggle with emotional and behavioral challenges. If your child is having difficulty adjusting this year and it’s causing you and your family ongoing distress, working with a child and family therapist could be a supportive next step. 

While tips and tricks are helpful to draw upon, everyone works a little bit differently. And as a parent, you know your child best. It may take time, reflection, and ongoing experience to learn what works best for your family. Therapy provides space to explore this knowledge, and ongoing guidance and insight from professionals who are well practiced in child development, emotional regulation, and neurodivergence.

I always like to remind parents of the dynamic nature of emotional regulation. What might work great one moment with your child, could land completely differently the next. Often engaging in a practice where we observe our own internal state in facing the challenges of parenting can help us respond flexibly and effectively in the moment. 

How North Star Families Supports Back-to-School Mental Health

The North Star Families team provides thoughtful therapeutic support to children, teens, parents, adults, and families. Our team works with all ages, and uses a collaborative, reflective-based approach to therapy.  

North Star Families is also in the process of partnering with local schools in the Los Angeles area to provide content area workshops and mental health support.

If you think your school would benefit from collaborating with North Star Families, or if you would like to inquire about therapy for yourself or for a loved one, you can reach out at hello@northstarfamilies.com.