As a parent and child psychologist of 20 + years, I have seen rates of anxiety and depression in children and parents climb dramatically. What I have also found is that with mental health support, children can have profound shifts in well-being, learning to ‘sit beside’ their feelings with compassion, ask for help, and practice self-care. Early mental health support for kids is a proactive and preventative measure, particularly during times of stress on the micro level – changes in friendships, academic struggles, family changes as well on the macro level – civic unrest; climate change events; school shootings; attacks on more marginalized communities on the rise. 

At North Star, we are also experts in understanding how neurobiology shapes a child’s experience. If children can have their behavior interpreted through the lens of neurodivergence, it provides significant protection for their self esteem and confidence as they learn that their behavior doesn’t mean they are ‘bad’ but that, for instance, they need support for emotional regulation. Finding the right kind of support is crucial for these kids. 

We also know from research that immediate therapeutic support when a child is impacted by events and experiences outside of their control provides a long term mental health benefit. Waiting until children are exhibiting significant signs of distress can be more dangerous, and is more connected to escalating levels of anxiety, depression and self destructive behaviors. Because it is ordinary for children of all ages to have big feelings, it can be confusing for parents to distinguish what is ordinary and what needs more support. Here are some signs your child needs therapy:

Emotional Red Flags:

  • Excessive anxiety, sadness or fear
  • Frequent mood swings and irritability which can be signs of depression
  • Panic attacks
  • Seemingly ‘down’ for a period of a month or longer
  • Expressions of hopelessness and self harm talk

Behavioral Red Flags:

  • Behaviors that seem repetitive and compulsive
  • Sensory challenges (including challenges with textures, sounds, food)
  • Impulsivity which is hard to regulate, feels like child can’t stop certain behaviors even if they are asked to repeatedly
  • Persistent angry outbursts
  • Withdrawing from friends; family, or usual activities
  • Changes in sleep or appetite
  • Drug or alcohol use

Academic and Social Indicators:

  • Sudden drop in grades or school performance
  • Difficulty concentrating or completing tasks
  • Struggles with friendships or peer relationships
  • Challenges with academics due to learning difference
  • Difficulty with focus and attention

When Parental Intuition Matters

Trusting your instincts if something feels off. Parents are the experts on their own kids, so if something doesn’t feel right, reach out to brainstorm with one of our therapists.

Understanding Child Therapy

Sometimes it can be confusing understanding how therapy with children is effective, particularly when they are at an age where playing and not talking is the primary mode of connection. Child therapists are trained to understand and support therapeutic play that develops children’s ability to self-regulate and develop coping skills, process emotions, step into someone else’s point of view, and develop understanding of how feelings impact behavior. Parents are always involved, either in the session or in parent meetings, to learn skills and tools from the therapist and develop strategies that support improved emotional regulation and behavior in their child. With older children or teenagers who can talk about their feelings, we know how to support children to open up in ways they can safely explore their feelings and behaviors and develop coping strategies.

Next Steps: How to Seek Help

If you are thinking you would like to get some support for your child, a helpful way to start a conversation can be talking with your child that you have seen that they have been feeling more anxious, or something seems different, and that you as a parent or caregiver you want to make sure you are supporting them in every way you can. You can say that you want to meet with someone who understands kids and families, and that (child) will meet the therapist too with parents support. This way parents are communicating that they need support as well, that it’s not just that the child’s ‘problem’.

At North Star we have many qualified therapists, each with different specialities. Here is a link to our team. 

  • Finding a qualified child therapist in your area. Link to Meet the Team page for choosing a therapist.
  • Tips for supporting your child during the therapy process. Link to Child Therapy page.

Conclusion

As a parent myself, it can feel confusing to know what might be the ordinary growing pains of development, and what needs extra support. We are always here to brainstorm with you and will let you know honestly whether we feel like its important to bring your child in. We also just work with parents to improve parent communication, systems and routines, and to develop strategies to support well being for everyone.

If you do decide to start your child in therapy, the best way to support them is to attend parent meetings with the therapist on a regular basis, at least once a month, to process and learn together and integrate what’s happening in therapy into the home. Investment in a child therapy process when your child seems to be struggling will have huge payoffs for the life of the family as time goes on. Early guidance supports long term emotional wellbeing for everyone.

Link to Contact page for inquiries or to schedule an appointment.